Song check!

Updated the jukebox again!

1) ni zui zhen gui - jacky cheung. (the "red rose" song)... excellent duet! why is it called the red rose song? listen to it and find out!

2) yong qi - fish leong. special song... =)

3) tian gao di hou - shin. the "brotherhood" song. should have played this during IBG video. are you tired? will you reach out both hands? how could we embrace when we still clench our fists..

4) on my way - cyndi. the ultimate song to console oneself after a breakup... very useful. let's all be on our way.

5) cinderella - penny dai. about the actual cinderella itself in a rock 'n roll flavour!

6) fly away - FIR. the very first song i listened to from the great band. excellent sound and synthesizer effects. has a chorus that sticks to your head!

7) hai kuo tian kong - Beyond. a perfect catalyst to let the tears come down.. in private of course. fall all fallen comrades.

8). superwoman - Cao ge. not every guy is perfect, that's why songs like this come into play... *chuckles*

9) tang guan zi - cyndi. i love the bells playing the first five notes in the chorus!! alot of triangles too. very cutesy song, yet the story is sad. what a perfect contrast!

10) katrina - david tao. a sensual r&b piece about a guy that just wants a chance to know a gal better. which reflects my current situation dun you think so?
lyrics below.

Katrina - David Tao

Katrina, i can't stop looking in your eyes
But my words don't come out straight
I don't know what to say, no no

On monday, i tell myself, "u gotta wait, dave"
dun rush it, dun anticipate
it's ok...it's ok.

*and i just want a chance to know u
to know the woman deep inside, yeah, yeah...
and i dun wanna look back on life
to see this missed opportunity, yeah, to get to know you
even at the risk of looking like a fool
to you... yeah yeah

on wednesday, i casually walk on by
to find that you're not there
i act like i dun care...
but on friday, i catch i glimpse of you
i tell myself , dun hesitate
you just walk up, and say hello... say hello...

*and i just want a chance to know u
to know the woman deep inside, yeah, yeah...
and i dun wanna look back on life
to see this missed opportunity, yeah, to get to know you
even at the risk of looking like a fool
to you...
*and i just want a chance to know u
to know the love you have inside, yeah, yeah... nono,no,no
and i dun wanna look back on life
to see this missed opportunity, yeah, to get to know you
even at the risk of looking like a fool
to you...

katrina, will i ever know your heart?

totally in holiday mode

shucks!!! i shouldn've played so much zero hour!!! omg. now totally lost the will to revise stuff...

playing games saps my strength lei. but what to do. so fun. brings me back to the army days where every day was come back from work (army), sleep for 2h, play comp for at least 2h, watch tv, then try to sleep, then back to work again.

still.. the effect of raising 20 Aurora Bombers and watching the air show is simply fantastic!!!

stuff to do so far when school reopens
1) test on monday: dispensing
2) test of next monday: econs. BIG MAJOR TEST!
3) pass up practical worksheet.
4) hold emed meeting for publicity and do publicity stuff.
5) finish up samurai stuff.

6) revise, revise, revise.. argh. dead liao

must say, this is the only break which i really let down my hair / guard completely. let down until it probably takes hell lot of energy to jumpstart the engine again. later still going to wangs place to play comp, then sushi dinner with mum.

saturday - volunteering at this singapore epileptic foundation. delivering mooncakes. going alone. dunno why i signed up too. probably i wanted to see people who shared my condition? i dunno also. or maybe for the mooncakes. haha. see how.

most notable achievements in the holidays:
one emed meeting
one pharm camp meeting
defeating the boss of condition zero campaign (but at Easy level)
finishing tutorial 4 and 5 of pr2103
finished printing my econs stuff and practical stuff.
slept like a pig, ate like a horse

***

holiday mode

it's a fine wednesday.. and i don't wanna revise econs or dispensing test.... sigh.

i wanna play generals: zero hour. wanna build 10 scud storms and blow the world to smithereens!! ahahahha. (sinister cackling). haha. but i vow not to install on my computer and my friend who has the game is in school. bummers.

halo is getting lamer also. and i dun dota. sigh. go and drink beer. hahahhahahhaha.

***

got my comp back online. duhz.

***

tried some of jw's electone scores. no grade, but probably estimated around grade 6 or grade 5. she lent me two books: one anime, which has all the cutesy-japanese anime songs like Genki 100%! (ren zhe wan tai lang opening song) and midnight blue (sounds cool.. haha) fantastic. there's also this chinese album which is much harder to play. with songs like xuan ze (by sally yeh), and wen bie (jacky cheung).

very nice! but i can't play. :'(

left me in a cold sweat, man. i'm getting old.

***

now what? using nokia pc suite, i discovered that i have 2339 smses in my handphone's Inbox. got smses all the way to... 24 Apr last year!! that was when i transferred the contents of the last handphone into this phone. hmm..

how to delete...

anyway, here are some of the interesting smses:

5/4/2006, 11:59AM
Hi... Glynsen here... I need the pesocard logo... Can send to my email?

19/11/2005, 02:07:23
Happy b day bro... U r an adult liao.. Lets go watch ra movie when ur exams r over... Gd luck for ur exams. Stay happy n cool... Haha.. I go slp liao.

7/4/2006, 9:04 PM
Wah.. grp 2 so irritatin... can't scare at all...

1/8/2006, 12:53PM
Hi ppl, me and leo gonna last burst of fire at orchard at 5 for dinner, join us or feel depressed at home while the world revolves unabated

2/15/2006, 8:45PM
So sorry, i Juz realized i sent e msg to e wrong person... It was supposed to be for jing wen! Haha! Paiseh!

7/28/2006, 2:13PM
To avoid confusion. So, tmr dance is 11-4pm. 11-1pm is cheerleading, outside mpsh1.

15.5.2006, 07:27:26
Hey babe.. HaHa... Ready to shower your love for the kids at philippines? HaHa...

8.2.2006,01:48:16
Yo dancer.. Tmr heartland... Meet at 4 mirror area k... Sms me if you can or cannot make it... Thanks..

SMS total:

let me see:
282 smses from jw
191 smses from someone
86 from xuanwei
86 from yuantai
70 from andy
68 from louis
61 from shannon
58 from bingxun
53 from wang
52 from brenda
50 from jevin
40 from meishan
31 from choon han
30 from constance

Some rubbish pics...











The pharmacy assassin with the 9mm CuSO4 suppositories.













Healing salve for the wounded.

Jamming Session

had a "jamming" session on monday afternoon. more like a keyboard music appreciation session. since only one guitar and no drums. cons, bx, jw came and we took turns to play on my electone, guitar and keyboard. 2 songs: If we hold on together by Diana Ross and Dang Ni Gu Dan Ni Hui Xiang Qi Shui.

results: didn't turn out as i expected.. guess i put my expectations too high *smirk*. basically no scores..no conductor.. and i didn't have half an idea of what to play, everthing was so impromptu. well, isn't every jamming session like that.

ha! but i could see some prodigies in them... bx could play the keyboard real well, same with cons (which is quite a surprise, considering that she claimed she was a beginner). jw came with some nice electone pieces which sounded absolutely fantastic, but too bad neither of us could sight-read it in time.. haha.. old liao. and all three of them have great voices!

cons was a stunner when we first heard something coming out from the keyboard.. when we looked up, "hey, you can play something!" ha. still want me to teach her how to play the keyboard somemore when she knew how to play the whole song for If We Hold On Together. and she sang along the way too for that song! haha... yi ding shi you lian guo de. lol...

yeah.. maybe next time i could fashion some score out.. one bass, one percussion, one accompaniment and one melody. then we can really have a show! ha.

who said pharmers can't make music??! lol..

Love Potion No. 9 (PC 2006)

1. Formulation:
Off Qty / Qty Used.
Love (anhydrous) 2 g
Kindness Extract 2 ml
Gentleness Extract 2 ml
Friendship Oil 4 ml
Water of Joy 2 ml
Karma gum 1 g
Forgiveness Powder 2 g
Quarrels Solution 2 drops
Togetherness Syrup 2 ml
Tenderness balm 2 g
Understanding and
Respect Compound q.s.

Calculation:
Everything for 2 persons, but eventually enough understanding and respect must be given to both sides...

Method:
1. Measure all the ingredients using weighing balance or conical flask.
2. As the forgiveness powder will only dissolve in the quarrels solution, do so, mixing well.
3. To make your primary love emulsion, add the friendship oil, togetherness syrup and karma gum and triturate quickly in the dry, flat, ceramic mortar and pestle.
4. Add in the love tincture, kindness extract, gentleness extract, water of joy, and tenderness balm into the casserole. Take care not to overheat the love (anhydrous) as this will cause rancidity of the relationship. Stir and mix well using test-tube until the substance has become creamy-like.
5. Put the contents from (3) and (4) into the mortar and pestle and triturate. Transfer into conical flask.
6. Finally, top up the conical flask with the understanding and respect compound as much as desired.
7. Dispense and label.

Storage:
Keep in a airtight container in a cool, dark place, away from sunlight, jealous eyes and third parties.

Indication for preparation:
For people who are in love.
Contraindicated in those who have just broken up and seeking love on the rebound.
It is also a good model for studying about love.

Advice to patient:
Not to be taken more than one time daily, as the effects of two doses will counteract against each other.
Do not drive while taking the medication.
For above-18 use only.
Dilute 1 part with 19 parts of water.
Throw after six months of use.

Some more songs!!

Lian ai ing - mayday

Intro:
C F C C

Verse:
C G/B Am Em/G F C/E Dm G
C G/B Am Em/G F C/E G G

Chorus:
C Em Am Em/G F C/E Dm G
C Em Am Em/G F C/E Dm G C

Repeat verse
Repeat chorus

Bridge:
Am Am Em Em
F F G G

Repeat Chorus

feng kuang shi jie - mayday

Verse:
G D/G F D (each repeat 2x)

Chorus:
C D Bm E7
Am D G G7
C D Bm Em
Am D G G

Desperado (by the Eagles)

saw this on someone else's blog. a favourite song of mine since.. time immemorial. i'm sure i've heard it over a thousand times, esp during the times in JC. sad case.

maybe i'm just too desperate. enjoy.

also heard it on singapore idol II by this guy. hope he wins.

Verse:
G G7/B C Cm
desperado, why don't you come to your senses
G Em A D
you've been out riding fences, for so long now
G B7 C Cm
oh you're a hard one, now i'd know that you got your reasons
G B7 Em Am D G
these things that are pleasing you, can't hurt you somehow

*Chorus:
Em Bm
don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
C G
she'll beat you if she's able
Em C G D/F#
the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Em Bm
now it seems to me some fine things
C G
have been laid upon your table
Em A Am
but you only want the ones that you can't get
D7 G
desperado

Verse:
oh you ain't getting no younger
your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home
and freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talking
your prison is walking through this world all alone

*Chorus:
don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?
the sky won't snow, and the sun won't shine
it's hard to tell the nighttime from the day
you're losing all your highs and lows
ain't it funny how the feeling goes
away...

D7 G
desperado
G G7/B C Cm
why don't you come to your senses
G Em A D
come down from your fences, and open the gate
G B7 C Cm
it may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you
G D/F# Em C Am
you'd better let somebody love you (let somebody love you)
G D/F# Em
oh, you'd better let somebody love you
Am G
before it's too late

In Love With You

Oh man, i can just fall in love with this song...

Verse:
Eb Gm Ab Cm
M: Just a gentle whisper, told me that you'd gone
Ab Gm Fm Fm/Bb Bb
Leaving only memories, where did we go wrong?
Eb Gm Ab Cm
I couldn't find the words then, so let me say them now
Ab Ab/Bb Bb Eb
I'm still in love with you...

Gb Bbm Cb Db Gb
F: Tell me that you love me, tell me that you care
Cb Bbm Abm
Tell me that you need me and i'll be there
Cb Cb Db
I'll be there waiting...

*Chorus:
Gb Db/F Bbm
I will always love you, i will always stay true
Ebm Db Cb E7
No one else will love you like i do, (B:) come to me now
A E/G# C#7
I will never leave you, i will stay here with you
F#m E B7/D#
Through the good and bad i will stand true
D E F#
I'm in love with you...

Eb Eb Bb/D Gm Cm Bb Ab Eb/G Fm Fm/Bb (?) Bb (?)

(Eb major)
M: Now we're here together, yesterday has past
Life is just beginning, close to you at last
And i promise to you, I will always be there
I give my all to you

(Gb major)
F: Living life without you, is (B:) more than i can bear
F: Hold me close (B:) forever,
M: I'll be there
B: I'll be there for you

(Gb major --> A Major)
I will always love you, i will always stay true
No one else will love you like i do, (B:) this I promise;
I will never leave you, i will stay here with you
Through the good and bad i will stand true

G7
Hold me closer
C G/B E7
Our love is forever, holding us together
Am Am/G D7/F#
Nothing in this world can stop us now

F G A
M: Love has found... (F: Love has found...) (B: A way)

Chorus (instrumental, A Major --> C Major)

F G
F: I'm in love.. (M: I'm so in love)
F G
F: Ooh, I'm in love.. (M: Yes, I'm in love)
F G
F: I'm in love.. (M: I'm so in love)
A
B: With you

The Love Calculator

http://www.lovecalculator.com/

Something for amusement.

So far, i haven't gotten above 67%... can u ?

Work work work...

PR2101:
Notes from Solutions onwards..
Project work.. (of which i'm slacking terribly)
Suppositories Lab report - pass up by Wed

PR2102:
ALL NOTES...
Project work... this is soooo risky. Cq and the rest say they've got it all planned out and the guys just need to act out.. well.. i hope it works out... any absentee will result in the group getting one big fat zero!! omg.
Get stuff ready for monday's lab.

PR2103:
test is over.. so far so good. =) until he teaches again...

EC1301:
Lecture 4 and Lecture 5's notes
Tutorial 4

GEK2022:
Film Analysis
Stereotypes paper... i dunno what to write about pharmacists... realised i don't have a lot of material to work with.
Lots of readings

Emed:
Presentation on monday / tuesday
try out windows movie maker (done)
try out Dreamweaver 8
upload pictures onto nusps main website

EML:
one song using CMusic

3 Laws of Miracles and the Poisson distribution

ok i've to admit, i've gone crazy over this thing.

Let X be the discrete random variable denoting the number of miracles that happen over a stipulated, fixed time t, over infinite trials. The probability of a miracle happening is p.

As miracles are rare, n is large, n > 50 (n = times that miracles could happen in the time frame) and p < 0.01, approximate to a Poisson distribution.

X ~ Po (np) approximately

With approximation,

P (X < x ) = [e^-(np) ][(np)^-x] / [x!]

lets say probability of miracle happening is 10^-9, as in, a one in a billionth chance.
assume that every day for a period of 21 years, a miracle could happen.

therefore, n = 21 x 365 = 7665; np = 7.665 x 10^-6

a) what is the most likely number of miracles that will happen during any given day during this 21 years?

Using recurrence formula,

[P (X < x + 1)] / [P (X < x)] = lambda / (x + 1) = np /(x + 1)

Mode: np/(x+1) > 1

7.665 x 10^-6 > x + 1
x < 1

Since x is an integer, x = 0
hence mode = 0

hence, most probably, there will most likely be no miracles happening for any given day in this 21 years. =(

b) what is the probability of at least one miracle happening on any given day in this 21 years?

P (X < 1) = 1 - P (X = 0)
= 1 - [e^-(np) ][(np)^0] / [0!]
= 1 - e^-(np)
= 1 - 1.0000007665
= well.. u know the result....

3 Laws of Miracles

What's flawed in my logic?

First Law of Miracles:
If you want a miracle to happen, you must first believe in it.

Second Law of Miracles:
All miracles will happen, provided that the First Law is obeyed, and that enough time is allowed for the miracle to happen, holding other variables constant (meaning you don't do anything else)

Third Law of Miracles:
To shorten the time necessary for the miracle to happen, the person believing in the miracle must first do something such that the miracle will have a greater chance of happening. The time shortened increases with amount of 'something' done

Example 1:
To score CAP 5.0.
By first law - you must first believe that "i can score CAP 5" otherwise u'll never get it
By second law - it'll probably take me up to infinity time to achieve my miracle if all i do is blog around (not practical as it exceeds the lifespan of the subject)
By third law - if i study normally, it might hypothetically take me up to 10 years to achieve CAP 5.
if i study like mad, it might take me up to about 2 years.
if i study 24/7, it might take me up to about 6 months (which is still not in the range - 4.5 months)

Example 2:
To fly to the moon in 1800.
By first law - man must first believe that "mankind can fly to the moon"
By second law - it'll probably take me up to 2000 years (or until the next guy thinks of flying to the moon), but if no research is focused on space travel.
By third law - if there is research on space travel, it took about 169 years for man to fly to the moon.

nice wednesday

dfd lab in the morning. observed, weighed, crushed, and melted suppositories. time it takes for theobroma oil to dissolve into an oily, stinky mess under human body temperatures = about 10 minutes. went off at 11am, woohoo!

went to arts canteen where i had only $3.35 left. in coins. paid $2.70 to the western food stall auntie for cutlet + maraconi, yum!

samurai tutorial. shiok, we watched a propanganda film by US for US marines depicting Japan. well.. quite interesting.. i think some of the footage was staged upon. the japs are portrayed as mindless slaves, converting their "sweat" to war materials - iron ore, bombs, planes, tanks, weapons. blindly following orders for fear of being hunted down by Shinto "ghosts" which happened to be everywhere. (sounds scary). haha if you don't believe in ghosts there's always their gestapo. well the usual pictures of dead people, civilians or marines, that will stir the blood. said something about "the jap considers death his ultimate honor", cause the reason given is that they have been indoctrinated since young.

all in all, damn sad. japan, post-meiji era, doesn't seem a very nice place to live in, filled with nationalist sentiments. you work like a slave, 72 hours a week, and get very little in exchange. it is the greatest honor to die, for the Emperor. at the age of 7-8 you carry dummy rifles and straw helmets and drill and push fake artillery pieces twice your size around. you are just taught enough knowledge to make you subservient to the authorities. when u grow up, you are taught judo, kendo, sumo, and go (weiqi). then you are sent to fight and die for the Emperor and when your ashes come back, they arrive in a box and your mother is not allowed to grieve for you.

what a life. ha. interesting film though.

***
went to join nx for some economics "tuition". was quite good. answered alot of questions that arose due to the lecturer going too fast. didn't finish though. skipped boring stats lab.

***

tmr: stats test + slack + nusps welcome tea + film watching (?) with cons and yeelian --> go home.

Four Letter Words

Written by ricky & marty wilde

I tell ya
Its hell yeah
When love says goodbye its a four letter word
Because your heart knows
When love goes
The feeling is bad - its the pits of the world
Its sad but true
When nothing you can do, can bring it back

Standing in the rain
She starts to cry... (love says goodbye)
Is it all a game
She wonders why...
Why it had to start?
Why should it end, and take her apart

Because she shows it
She knows it
But what can she do, its a four letter word
Because it shakes you
It breaks you
And when its the end, its the worst thing you heard
Its over now
And nothing you can do can bring it back

Calling out his name
She starts to cry... (love says goodbye)
Guys are all the... same
She wants to die...
Hide away the tears...
No-one will see, and no-one must hear

But oh...
How can the love that she has be profained
And how can something that's so beautiful
Just jeckyl and hyde around
It's too sad...

(love says goodbye x2, four letter word)

I tell ya
Its hell yeah
When love says goodbye its a four letter word
Because your heart knows
When love goes
The feeling is bad
Its the worst in the world
Its sad but true
When nothing you can do, can get it back

Standing in the rain
She starts to cry... (love says goodbye)
Shouting out its name
Four letter words...

South African Friend

From : danjuma boni
Reply-To : e1b1a@yahoo.fr
Sent : Tuesday, September 12, 2006 7:08 AM
To : qq56be@yahoo.co.jp
Subject : Gold dust for sale.

Gold dust for sale.
Contact,Dr. Boni Danjuma
Equity Infl Sa. 10 BP 2372
ABJ 10 Zone 4 Abidjan.
Cote d'Ivoire.

Hello Dear, I am Dr. Boni Danjuma working with a consultant firm in Cote d' Ivoire.
I have a client from sierra lone who left with my firm 263kg of alluvial gold dust which is right now in a bank in Ghana, she wish to sell her gold off the international market price at the rate of seven thousand five hundred dollars.

Specification of our products

Products: au metal
Type: alluvial (gold dust)
Quality: 23 carat
Price: $7,500 per kilo
Quantity: (263) kilos
Purity: 99.7% purity

Any prospective buyer should please contact my office in Abidjan by mail. Wait to do business with you.

Best regard,
Dr. Boni Danjuma

What the hell do u think i want gold dust for??? and at $7.5k a kilo?!?

week 5, monday

feels like Apocalypse Now.

went for stats lecture in the meeting. big mistake. one word = useless. eli chan just finished lecture 5's notes, which he was supposed to do one lecture ago. well half-expected him to go through most of lecture 6 today.

thing was, there was nothing really new in that set of notes (lecture 5). well maybe the multinomial distribution, but everything else was learnt in JC. and my JC teacher did a better job than this guy, at least i didn't fall asleep, dammit.

I want Ms Tan Sai Hong!!! she's the best!!! i think, even a secondary school A Maths teacher can qie him downright in stats... his speed is like, he can spend about 20-30 minutes on one slide. one self-explantory slide.. explaining at A-maths level. i got so bored than i turned to the guys that were looking at the relatively more exciting Risk game on bx's laptop. after i turned back, he was still on the same slide. grrrrr.

what does the lecture have, that makes me wake up at 8am to cheong to LT20 and get bored? can't sleep, too.

***

today wore army sandals instead of shoes. when there's a lab session. omg. rushed back and busted $3 on bus fares. damn.

***

met dr rachel ee. she's chio, and no-nonsense, but at least our group is on the right track. i'm not doing much work though, only the intro part. =) and i guess i don't need to complain when the others are doing the work for me~

***

went for dispensing lab. looks quite easy huh... a paint (20ml), 6 capsules of codeine PO4, and a Zinc Cream BP. nothing much, really!

ha! or so i thought. the first hour i was totally lagging. maybe not enough sleep (grr to eli chan). very sluggish. paint was easy, nice peppermint oil with 90% alcohol, reminds me of tri-fac bash. haha... capsules even easier, just the paperwork ba. wonder why was it so difficult during year 1.
the cream was the hard one... guess the TAs didn't really explain WHY to add hot water into the mixture... so that the stuff wouldn't crack... meiqi found out the hard way.. haha. anyway. ms tan mui ling wasn't around so the TAs decided to give us a hand, make life easier for us and go home earlier. ha. there was this nice (and chio) TA who sorta hovered inconsistently around my bench. when my cream cracked she was so nice and stirred the cream for me. told me to get the labels done (cos it was already 4:45) and stick them on, and she did the finishing moves for me, all the way to packing the cream in the jar. she even came over later and apologised for not having enough cream to put in my jar! SO NICE!!! and she's the one who helped me make the CuSO4 suppositories two weeks ago which i got A+! woohoo!

well i guess bx got the same treatment too, so i conclude that she's a very nice person... with good heart! wonder why all TAs aren't like her... lol. must give her more marks during appraisal. ha.

some statistics

15 Things You Probably
Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. There is exactly one reason anyone would ever hate you, is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to any person defined as being in this universe, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, at least 1 person thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to a certain 1 person.
7. If not for you, at least 1 person may not be living.
8. You are special and unique.
9. At least 1 person that you don't even know exists loves you.
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it (guess that's why he makes so many mistakes)
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.
Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person that sent it to you. It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them. If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in a hurry and that you've forgot your friends.
Take the time... to live and love.
Send this letter to all the people you care about, Including the person who sent this to you.
If you do so, You will certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life, for the better.

plans for jammin'

well... hehe. seems like i've started to play music again...

asked cons about jamming and the response was quite good, but she decided to hold it off until the mid-sem break. i'm wondering about the viability of that option...

so, decided to book a date with them instead. only four people: i don't have that much instruments. one electone (mine), one keyboard (mine), two acoustic guitars (mine and cons). no drum machine (ok, maybe a loop from CMusic), no mikes, no audience. and we're ready to go.

so exciting!! haha.

venue: my house. obviously can't bring the electone out, it has gathered dust there for 8 years and it will still continue to do so.

thinking of inviting: cons, bingxun, jingwen. maybe xuanwei to sing...?

cons = guitar
bingxun = guitar
jingwen = electone
me = keyboard and software synth
xuanwei = vocals

no definite songs of which to perform yet...

saturday

firstly went for eml practice. well it was quite enriching for me, just that i didn't really interact much with the newcomers due to my :( face. again, didn't really feel that i belonged.

ate lunch, came back, installed the music editing software, then went to meet nx at 1630 to discuss some econs stuff. the econs lectuerer always zooms at such a high speed, and the course is crammed such a way that one year of lectures in JC = four weeks of lecture for us.

no wonder we can't catch up!!!

spent about 1.5 hours discussing econs. really discovered that econs is a world of its own, despite the graphs and the maths.

jw, grace and xuefen's chi dance concert after that. not bad. but i was quite tired. and there was one section where the lights came on very fast, so i just covered my eyes. that section turned out to be the most exciting part. wasted. all in all, not bad - a very visual blend of colours. people there: yuantai, bingxun, cons, yeelian, puaysan, janus, nx, glynsen, me, ernest tay and gf.

after the dance, received a note from yuantai that there were free tickets to tri-fac bash. so deliberated... should i go? should i not? so waited another 30-45 minutes before deciding, ok, i'm going. asked my father to send me there (so bad.)

went bash. ok, the drinks were quite good. but drank too fast and although i got the "high" i wanted, it didn't stay for very long unlike previous occasions. guess... i'm old. haha. or the music wasn't that good.. pure RnB which was quite hard to jiggle to, in fact, they just ripped out the vocals and added in a constantly flowing RnB rhythm track. didn't knew the gals could be such good clubbers! hui lin obviously was so drunk, she kept smiling all the way. yeah but with the absence of... well i dunno. my clique? it wasn't really that fun. or yar, maybe i'm getting old. and this is probably the 4th or 5th time clubbing.

went home with jevin, edwin and his friend in a taxi. 3am.

http://flash.cyol.com/product/05121802324416.swf


http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

killing myself

tml's another session of eml. i don't really wanna go...

i'd really like a long break somehow.. i feel so tired; but i have so much time. alone. nothing to do but to sleep and watch youtube.

there's this website which i've been amusing myself with, it promises games which i used to be hooked on during primary school days:

www.crazymonkeygames.com

back to the situation in ps.. enrolled for shannon's welfare soc. ok, i guess. 2h a week performing guard duty in ps room being the bartender. not a bad deal. prob can wreck some havoc along the way.

thinking of joining MORE. yes i'm killing myself. like mrt (as small fry, sounds "interesting"), soc. ed (small fry, can organise outings openly, under jenxi some more), ppac (small fry, under xinyi and pharmacy camp). well i guess being a small fry doesn't entail me to much responsibility, and it opens up my view of nusps as well.

then kiki came with the offer of pub head for emed. well snapped it up immediately. maybe without thinking, maybe i did. maybe bcos the Force within me is still strong. yea that's a politically correct answer. Think whatever you want. well i've never done pub before, lets see how i screw up badly, like how i screwed up for prog head in FOCC and log head in bhbh2. haha. then let me join some other comm as mkt head and i can claim experience in all the four fields. lol.

then there's this offer of tuition. not confirmed yet. but most probably no. i'm already starting to think that the lectures for pharm law are in-studyable. and the econs lecturer is beginning to suck.

well some friend of mine said that my leadership skills in focc really sucked, which i agreed. guess a leader shouldn't be too soft. said also that there are no born leaders, only:
1) people chosen by God to be leaders
2) people who are not chosen by God to be leaders, but somehow they observe and learn from (1) and they become leaders
3) people who are not chosen by God to be leaders, they observe, they try to learn, but in the end they cannot make it. --> me, maybe?
4) people who don't wanna be leaders, they just slack off

then there was the notion proposed by another friend that... so long as you are satisfied with your work, there is no need to bother about whether anyone else is satisfied.. but then i challenged, if the work is done for that someone else, won't the judgement of the quality of work depend on that someone else?

e.g. picasso gives one of his works of "abstractism" that no rational person in the world understands, not even the "pseudo-admirers". the big question: is he happy at the end of the day, although no one wants to buy from him, yet he thinks he has created this magnificent piece?

confused, am i.

time to switch course?

You scored as Engineering. You should be an Engineering major! Chemistry 75% Psychology 75% Biology 75% Engineering 75% Anthropology 67% English 58% Mathematics 58% Philosophy 58% Journalism 58% Sociology 50% Theater 42% Dance 33% Linguistics 25% Art 25% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

i walk alone, on the road less travelled

note: some comments may be discomforting to hear in this post.

thursday. felt bored. went for a lecture and then came back home at 10am. did nothing constructive until, perhaps, after this round of blogging.

felt so sien. when was the last time i experienced this? not too long ago. how many times did i experience this? lost count.

i guess when i was still staying in hall, it would have been "relaxing" to have no one disturb you when you were in the middle of something. now, it is dreary. there is no impetus to start anything. life just comes to a standstill.

i reflect upon the past year and think about my relationships with others. other than classmates (pharmacists) i had not really interacted much with other people, even the seniors. how so is this a "vibrant and enriching life" as painted by the many NUS advertisements?

i should've stuck to the clique system. having a close circle of friends gives you that foundation of which you can fall back on. at least that's what happened in sec sch and JC. i'm not a good speaker, and i know it very well. you don't throw me into a group of people and ask me to "ok, start interacting" like molecules undergoing diffusion. although, i try to subjugate myself to that kind of interaction, treating it as a "learning process". even so, the friendships formed are merely ethereal and fade away as soon as they are formed. the situation is made worse now when after a year, strong relationships and cliques form, and it is even harder to break into a clique and "be one of them".

***

then i joined eml, hoping that it would offer me some new friends which i could relate to. it proved to be a disappointment. i don't know what happened, everyone left except me and this other guy. then we got appointed to exco positions in july, i got this "logistics and tech manager". at first it was a post i got "because we're sending you for this leaders' retreat by CFA and we need to give you a title". then suddenly i became this position, something which i didn't even bargain for. felt so lost at the CFA retreat, despite all the benefits it produced. felt even more lost during the matric fair; why am i doing there? felt so lost even when the first batch of newcomers arrived.

still no one i could relate to. everyone else was into techno, hardcore dance and all the funny DJ stuff you find in clubs. i couldn't enter clubs, nor listen to much fast music without going crazy, so i opted for "new age", basically the chinese keyboard playing style (geyao) with electronic elements. don't know how that will go down. on a footnote, geyao doesn't give me much reprieve either, it's like meant for PRCs. you take a look at one of their emails, it's all broken grammar, and hanyu pinyin. and in their sessions, the PRC qiang dominates so much that it really leaves you with the question, are you in Singapore?

back to eml. over the past year, i've been a phantom in the activities organised. really don't know the exco much. and now, i don't really feel like nodding according to their plans and doing the relavant sai kang. but i love their music (well some pieces are quite nice). And music is something to be loved, isn't it?

maybe with the current situation, i should just scrape all my ccas and just do sai kang for nusps. or maybe just put myself under a spell, and mug all day all night in the medical library.

i've always walked alone, and it is maybe fate that, i will walk alone all the while.

more stuff on youtube

buaya week, last year! from block D. apparently the guys there have the resources to shoot a video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96oPJaopIQ4&NR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UvyMePS4BY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFC8HQd9gY8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOtQLgefH-c

i love buaya week.

some nice youtube stuff:

1. beer and pharmacists:

i take one look at this pseudo documentary and first thing that comes to mind is "what the hell??"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-gR8lIEvdY

they actually promote the drinking of beer in this country?!?!

2. wonder women!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_Afe1W3w2A

man, we should do something like this and put on youtube... are you listening bingxun!?

3. some funny stuff about a pharmacy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6FYVRn2_cY

4. pharmacists = fast food workers??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNhB935z8Mg

some final fantasy advent children parodies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1G4517MgYsE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ca5rjVypHVo

some words about the new sem

ok.. week 4. more or less settled into the sem (i hope)

lets take a look at the modules:

PR2101 - Dosage form design: taught by prof chan lai wah and dr rachel ee. only seen the latter so far once, in the very first lecture, where she showed us some pics of her holidaying as an intro, and seeing that we were not interested, promptly dropped the niceties and gave us The Project, which was to send everyone into a mad frenzy searching over stuff. personally, i think this is an attempt to rip us off on our money in the name of "self-directed learning". however prof chan is very amusing at times during the lecture, so far the best lecturer, that can keep everyone awake at 8am during tues and fris.

PR2102: pharm law: boring. no choice, since it's an integral part of the rules that we have to keep to, have to study it like the others did. taught by this old lady called amy tan (correct? whatever) who was an inspector from dunno where, but big enough to tell us the rules. computer illiterate. i have a feeling this will end up like pharm prac I where we played cards during lecture. no - can't be decadent any more.
ALWAYS miss the first part of lecture due to coming from arts lecture (tues) or from tutorial (fri). grrr.
project group: yays! got cuiqin, siok ting, yi xuan, pei rong inside my group, as well as bingxun and yuantai. what could be better?

PR2103: pharmacostatistics: even more boring, sometimes incomprehensible, to the point of being ridiculous. another fei4 module if u ask me, like science of music. so far we've been thought a-level stats by a hongkong lecturer, prof eli chan, who half of the time i can't understand what he's speaking, and the other half i can't see what the hell is written on his notes cos all his notes are typed out in Microsoft Word and the bugger doesn't have any way of bookmarking them or something, he scrolls. Yes, use that familiar mousewheel and rev it up like a F1 racer, reaching speeds of up to 6-10 slides per scroll.

a familiar scene would be, for example, he's teaching all the way to page 13 then he suddenly wants us to go back to page 2, then he will scroll all the way back to page 2 with lightning speed using the mousewheel, overshoots, and scrolls forward, while everybody is like going "wtf?!?", speaks of the reference for about 5 seconds, then before anyone has any sense of whats going on, scroll back to page 13. it's no wonder some people just get lost during the "teleport" process.
his project is impossible. it's a full 5k word research paper on how to infer some academic report which who the hell here knows what language that is written in.

gek2022: samurai, geisha, yakuza as self or other: nice module about japan, something i've always been interested in, ever since they rose to infamy about 60 years ago. debunked many myths about the samurai (however they still commit suicide by stabbing themselves like the films, kill bill 2 style) and their values of loyalty, courage, etc. haven't done geisha yet but oh my god, the readings are like rivers of words that fill pages and pages, till the point that i'm lagging behind some weeks, and the lecturer, simon avenell, talks with such speed that it's very hard for you to concentrate and write, hence the webcast (which i'm supposed to do now). he's very interesting though. suspect cons has a crush on him! haha... exam questions are very thought-provoking too, something i've always lacked. despite that, the content is extremely interesting, and myself, yeelian and constance always look forward to this lecture on tuesdays (although that would mean one more reading to read...).
project is about stereotypes. considering the wide nature of the project, should be managable.

ec1301: principles of economics: ok i should have taken this before mkt1003: principles of marketing, cos then it will provide a clearer picture, and i know i'm gonna get chopped by all those people who took econs during JC and are sitting in the LT msning for daring to challenge them. the lecturer, connie chung, is pseudo-interesting, u know, what she says is interesting but she doesn't really put it across in an interesting tone, unlike doreen kum of mkt1003 fame. i think the microphone in LT8 needs to be level-upped, several decibels higher. and she has lousy time management, dragging the lecture at 0.8x webcast speed then rushing us at 2.0x webcast speed in the last 15 minutes of the lecture. but ok la the subject is somewhat like mathematics... very easy to understand.
best of all, there's no project! =)
oh yeah.. btw the china girl who taught us during tutorial.. i think she can match eli chan in terms of un-understandability and de-pronouncation. what the hell is she talking about? and she goes through tutorial, stating all the facts, but never says explicitly the answer, so one guy has to "so, may i know what's the answer?" sometimes she thinks before she says something, poor thing. however i'd better not ask her to converse in mandarin, before she says something really shen1 ao4 and the class is really poor thing. haha.

so far, it's quite a relatively slack sem (compared to last sem), with more projects and more work focused on each module. haiz... get on with it.

DFD weapons

had an interesting talk today with bingxun and choon han about how dosage forms can suddenly used to make weapons.

*james bond music playing in the background*

Mortar and pestle (keypad '1'). simple and heavy, one whack will send the enemy senseless, or to half health. great in melee conditions. the mortar (alt fire) will add additonal damage, but is slower. the ceramic version deals more damage.

Suppositories, pessaries (keypad '2'). comes in 5.56 mm, 7.62mm, 9mm and 10mm sizes. can be threaded together to form magazines for the MG. comes in strengths of 15mg/g and 30 mg/g as stated in the BP. variety of colours.

all magazines containing the above ammunition are to be labelled "for rectal / vaginal use only". store in dark magazines protected from light.

the victim should be lying down in a side position, or stand with the legs apart and bend far forward; the firer should press the red button on the magazine to lubricate the magazine's contents with suppository lubricant / arachis oil in the magazine, or press the blue button to run it under cold tap water (provided in the magazine) until it hardens.

the suppository should be fired, pointed end first, using gentle muzzle velocity to overcome resistance of the anal sphincter without discomfort. the suppository should be shot upward and forward towards the umbilicus.

if the target experiences the urge to pass out the suppository, the buttocks should be held or squeezed together (with tongs) for several minutes until the sensation to pass it has subsided.

applicators may be fitted with laser and battery to increase accuracy or to be fitted with 16x scope.

sprays (keypad '3'): designed to knock enemies out with a single whiff. preparations of drug in aqueous, alcoholic, or glycerine containing media with a powerful atomiser.

portable vortex machine (keypad '4'): generates a vortex in a straight line, sending enemies spinning and immobilising them. strangely, enemies in the direct line of fire are never affected.

warning: vulgarities.

get a hold on yourself.

remember you survived once before, and you can survive it again.

the decision ultimately lies with you to continue on this path of havoc, to obvilion, or to go back to the old path.

remember you survived this before, and you can do it again.

choose the correct route. goddammit, be like a man!!!

be the person that everybody likes, not a fiery archon that everyone fears.

rise again from the ashes.

remember, it is your choice. stand up again. you survived. do it again.

man mentality

warning: vulgarities.

army sucks, when you are a man. i never tolerated that.

why was i a man? all boils back to the illness. pes E - shattered. not that i could, of course, with my physique before i entered the army, be anything better.

i look at the sergeants and officers, sometimes i wonder, if they had got a better share of the NS learning experience.

leadership qualities. more importantly, the ability to have a voice. to speak out.

as a man. your views are simply not appreciated. just do it - that's the man mentality. or get f**ked by your superiors. i couldn't understand why some things are done this way, nor why some things can be done in a better, more efficient method, but simply was kept to the old methods.

maybe that's why, after that dark period i and other people call the darkest people of my life and many other people call army, i wanted to prove myself. as a leader.

i really hate it when people march proudly in front of me or recount their stories in the army. i have none that i want to share.

maybe that's all the hiatus about this leadership positions thingy. after getting log head in bhbh2, and prog head in focc, probably i was too heady over this head thing. did having a leadership position really matter? well one thing is that it enables you to do whatever thing you want. it enables you to have a voice. is it really so.

i guess pharmers must have the man mentality? are we just willing to accept what they say? dare we speak out for ourselves, insisting that we are right, and we are not redundant as what we are claimed to be?

but yet, we are not united. and we have no voice, again, of our own, to speak of anything. we are silent, and dumb. we accept orders without questioning, we copy blindly when we work. we don't care at all. isn't this the man mentality? do it without asking why.

the private charges into the battlefield as directed by his officer. "hold this position!" he is ordered, even though it is a no win situation, the enemies outnumber him in all directions 50 to 1. even as the tanks prepare to crush him underfoot, he is still manning the GPMG bravely, shooting at the incoming tank, even to no avail. just because his officer told him to man this position as a diversion when the rest of the company are already at the enemy fort.

is this what we are? man mentality?

omg whats happening to me

sunday. skipped the outing to sentosa organsied by xt. no mood.

instead, woke up at 10am, went on aimlessly on the www for about 3-4 hours. slept at 2pm.

woke up at 6pm.

feel so dead. energyless.

ikram just smsed me something to be done on the eml forum. i feel like quitting again. feel like quitting again. i really don't click with those people. omg they're scary. why must they ask me to do work when i don't want this exco post? how much more long can i tolerate this?

what kind of a life do i want to lead? i dunno. how much to balance? at this point of time. i dunno

what work is to be done tomorrow? dunno. yijiang asked me to bring his stuff for the meeting tmr. what meeting. oh pr2101. damn haven't printed out yet. when? dunno.

i feel like stopping here in time, or watch the world go round, at a time when other people are frantically doing something with spirit, i am one with a lost soul.

***

why am i in stuch a state? cos of yesterday? well i lost to a more worthy opponent, fine. i got played out, fine... leadership? i can forgo that, well.. why be so foolish to brave more fire and wind when you can't even take care of your work, family, relationships, and happiness? why be so garang?

i dunno. could it be because of the "time bomb" that has accumulated before then and has now, triggered by the event, began to implode within me? or is it because of the lack of adrenaline due to the fact that tons of the stuff were used in the previous fireworks?

basal instincts

warning: vulgarities.

i remember there was this one time in primary one. very distinct impression.

i lent my pastel crayons to this dude sitting next to me. there was a gag order by the teacher so no one was talking or something.

think we had a scuffle or something, a disagreement, such that for some reason the teacher told me to "stand in the front". dunno whether did i pull my ears or some stupid shit.

i still remember that teacher's name. it was the same teacher that told me to strip and walk topless from the classroom to the p.e. area, all because i didn't bring my p.e. attire. without saying i didn't enjoy very much of that p.e. lesson.

my primary school is 23 floors below my flat and a stone's throw (literally) away. for some reason, when i grew older, i didn't persecute that teacher.

when i was primary 3, there was this chinese teacher that called me names (or something) like bastard, useless, freak, whatever. because i was talking or because i didn't hand up my stuff, whatever the case, but she had no reason to insult my abilities. or did she use physical force on me.... when i tried to defend myself...? hmm whatever.

my parents went to the principal, and we got a good answer out of it. still i lived in fear for the rest of my primary 3 life.

then there was primary 5. after streaming, went to the second class, from the last class. not too bad. then there was this chi teacher (again!) who thought i was interrupting her class (why me?!?! for some goddamn reason) when the whole bunch of people around me were talking and i was trying NOT to talk, for some shit reason she gave warning (stared in my direction), then i think yeah she was the one who pulled a tuft of my hair.

yup. my parents went to the principal again. i guess that's why my parents knew the principal so well. not because i was a bastard in school, but because i was the scapegoat. if you had a chance to shadow me for one day, unless i was a close friend of yours, you will find me boring. i don't talk much last time, and i don't talk much now.

that's one reason why i hate chinese so much. even though i'm chinese, i took higher chinese in primary school (under the same teacher who pulled my hair, but later chose to resent it), i come from a chinese-speaking family (mum), yet i f**king hate the language. well secondary school it got a bit better, but i had already completely lost it by then.

if those teachers would to do this today, they will be executed personally by the Minister of Education. haha. i will see to it that they do.

i remember my father telling me this story during his schooling days. that time, the opporturnities for schooling were not very good, and he got into a vocational institution, the equivalent of today's ITE. he and his friends were labelled as failures as compared to the JC students (yes, NJC had already started).

his classmate had to endure this one sentence from the teacher: "you, the leaders of tomorrow? my foot!"

10, 20 years later, the classmate came back driving an obviously very rich Mercedes-Benz into the school compound, right in the middle of the carpark where everybody could see (i guess), honked, then proudly went to see the teacher, suit and tie.

***

maybe i will do just that.

Scorpios are known to be jealous, resentful, compulsive, obsessive, secretive and obstinate (taken from http://www.astrology-online.com/scorpio.htm).

other words: cunning, vengeful.

i think i fit into the stereotype really well. vengeful.. jealous, resentful, obsessive, compulsive, stubborn. maybe a bit secretive, not very cunning though.

guess this explains why sometimes i just fail to see the flip side of things where others can just see it so easily, like an OHP's answers revealed. and maybe i suffer from OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) as well.

moving on

the red haze has lifted again. the devil inside me has lost.

credit must go to bones for guiding me out of that long dark tunnel.

guess what he said is pretty true: just f**k it and move on. he said many other things as well, but that's what struck me most.

be myself.

i look up at the angel's wings hung on the clotheshanger, pick them up again and drape it on.

why do i always see my failures and other people's successes when i can instead, see my successes and other people's failures?

emed interviews...

...i lost.

dunno what had gone wrong. somehow, the show didn't fit into place.

well.

guess right from the start, i knew that this was a battle that had a slim chance of winning. had to admit i didn't know the exco quite well. and that, since the decision was to be done by them alone, this was a big disadvantage.

i checked my abilities, to make sure that they could back up the zest; maybe there wasn't enough substance in that. what have i learned? maybe, nothing, in these escapades that i went: bhbh2, focc. really, maybe nothing much, except mucking around, only driven by mere illusions that i had something going, and that it was going smoothly, and great, and how great a leader i was.

guess i am no leader. no leadership qualities, more of the follower kind. no training prior.

and that i was even confident, even too over-confident, for the wrong reasons. for that i have not given due consideration to the consequences had i lost, and what should i do. there are no other leadership positions possible.

should i tone-down my activity and remain passive like my band of brothers, stuck in their own world of choice? what about all the fine ideals that i have mentioned of in grandeur, are they but statements made in jest, or in moments of foolishness?

yes. i know i alone cannot take defeat by the horns and wrestle it ala Spanish style. i cannot accept defeat at all, maybe this is characteristic of the Samurai-style achievement that is one of my ideal. but i guess when it hits... it hits... and it sucks. the great physiological changes that take place is indeed crushing, but it goes regardless like a heavy locomotive rushing through its tracks, and i will wait for the time when the locomotive finally moves away, the barrier is lifted, and i shall continue on with my life.

from the other side of the coin.. i guess kiki did well. she spoke better, more eloquent, and her plans were more concrete. instead of just being real ideas, she had concrete plans. definite ways of which how to solve problems, where i left everything else to chance, being mere sketches. i wish her well in her incoming endaveours.

and when the dust is settled after the train moves away, i shall examine the roads in front of me, and decide on an alternative path.

i guess, perhaps fate has other things in store for me? or maybe God or who else decides, after a hectic year of play/fun/havoc in year 1, it's time to chill out and mug like a real university student. take good care of my brain. no more work-related seizures. there's always been this objective pasted on the previous blog to pull up my CAP. probably i can do that now.

probably.

i look at my angel's wings on my back. probably it's time to take them off now... and put it on the clotheshanger.

i'm sitting down at my laptop now, wondering what to do, who to talk to, what to say. drinking the beer that i've bought for my birthday. finally there's a good use for these 3 cans, who are gonna expire soon.

beer sucks. it tastes horrible.