Acceptance

phases of grief: Shock, Denial, Bargaining, Guilt, Anger, Depression, Acceptance, Hope.

Thanks cons and bx for the nice messages that keep me going on.

I really like what bx said. Adopt a heck-care attitude. We're all gonna be screwed. So why worry so much?

I now look forward to May 2nd, where a good rest awaits me. And probably some R&R as well.

Who cares about the stupid exams? About CAP? About doing well, better than others?

I really don't care so much now. Finally the red haze has been lifted.

I am going in there, try my best, and walk away, knowing that i could not have done better.

=)

Strategy

Sun: finished carbo, touched some of david woo's skin notes. i'm not memorizing much - he has too much detail.

will try to finish fats tonight if possible (hopefully)

Mon: Full force on LSM, proteins and nucleic acids.

Tues: Everything else on pharm prac + a little lsm.

Wed morning: pharm prac.

The message that never came.

Agony.

Wed, 2hour break: LSM. Recap only.

Thanks cons.

***

"When you're close to tears remember,
some day, it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get,
so, high....."

Make Me Happy

For depression to hit me on my last lag of the journey, it is certainly unthinkable. Procrastination perhaps, but never depression.

Everything is just not going in. Maybe it's exasperation.

oxphos -
tca cycle - d/h, argh i cant spew out a single shit.

there is no one to turn to. i think i will screw up all 12 questions for pharm prac and then screw up all the other 5 questions for lsm. then that will make me the lowest record ever, haha.

after every chapter i feel so tired. and i'm NOT finished glucose yet.

my head just feels so hot. this comes every two hours, or after every lecture. energy is all gone.

I think, i will just weep after the pharm prac. Then weep again after lsm. all alone.

Relax.

Water parade is good. It's something good to drown the sorrows in. Then u piss those troubles away. BUt they just keep comin~

I need Xanax. yet i can't sleep, time's running out.

Anger

Vulgaritiy-laden and angst-filled.
Warning: please skip if u do not wish to be offended.

***


Behind target now. I haven't even finished carbo notes and i'm only 1/4 in my pp notes.

And i can't remember anything at all. Fuck. I've never felt so screwed up before.

Everytime i despair, i wonder why those assholes who set the exam dates set two papers, both requiring u to memorize, on the same day, 2 hours apart. no brainers. Maybe it's because of a screwup between Pharm and Medicine. maybe they don't like each other, whatever. We have to bear the brunt of it, we being Batch 2 pharm students.

Defeated on both flanks. How screwed up is that.
With half the time to study for pharm practice - we get screwed by batch 1 people.
Pitched against people with strong lsm knowledge and have been studying lsm for their whole uni life - we get screwed by them.

This is not a fair match. It never was, anyway.

I wonder why do we even try in the first place. Was there a quote by some smartass, "never fight a battle you can't win?"

I feel so sorry for the nursing students which i had laughed at in an earlier post. Seems like the karma is coming back now.

My only consolation is that i will be able to screw all the books and notes once this exam is over and rest in peace, literally.

I think for this sem, it will be a tough fight to even get a cap of 3.5, judging by the useless performance i put up before and the even more pathetic performance i'm gonna put up. Gonna pull down the cap by like 0.1 overall, which may not seem much, but it's extremely hard to get back to 3.8. There goes the FYP. didn't expect it to be so fast. Maybe there goes the second lower as well. I wonder if i'm still gonna lead the YEP next sem, to lead a bunch of people who... never mind. Some things are better left unsaid. I know i'm stupid and incapable, a piece of shit who deserves something like "oh, really? you have epilepsy? oh my god... i hope it's not too serious."

Assholes. Stress is piling up, it's making the whole process even difficult. And no-one cares. Not even one single person in the damned admin is gonna care, not even one single person is gonna say "oh sorry". They've done it countless times, there are people who took two papers in one day and got away with smiles.

You will see me get away in an ambulance. Damn it.

***

sorry i'm not in the most understanding of moods, nor the most diplomatic of moods.

let me hide in my cave. period.

Fear

Really losing focus and determination for the final battle on 2nd May.

There's around fifty chapters to memorise, twenty from pharm prac and thirty from LSM.

I have four days (i wasted one day today already doing 5 chapters and the remaining of friday slacking). So i must at least do 10 chapters.

SIGHHHHHHHHHH

i'm wondering if i will ever get my first epileptic seizure. For sure.

The period from 3pm to 5pm will be crucial. i can either choose:
1) to mug: that will have a 70-80% chance of getting a seizure
2) to rest: that will screw the LSM

i dun wanna screw LSM. i got a good grade for the class test II (u can check it out yourselves). Well guess i excel at mcqs. The final format is 5 structured questions, 20 mcqs, which means i'm screwed.

The final format for pharm prac is 12 structured questions, average of 10min for each. A total of 17 structured questions in total.

I think the pharm anal paper was still the best. I hate to write, especially when i'm experiencing tachycardia and tremor and my hands are shaking and my writing is like chicken scratches. Illegible.

Yet, for LSM, i'm gonna get trashed by the China students in LSM, the zai kia in LSM, and by my own brethren. i really feel like taking MC for the paper.

But no, the doctor won't accept my excuse. Obviously i'm trying to chao keng. After all the doc has probably memoed like hundreds of chapters for a single test before and this is "nothing" to him. Yar, and there are doctors who have epilepsy.

Fine. Let me go in and die, like a man then.

Disyllabic replies

You know a woman's pissed when she replies everything in two syllables or words to your questions.

OK, maybe, when a woman's real pissed, she won't reply at all. But i won't let that happen. But how.

But with what, it is extremely hard to tell.

Tell me please dear...

Pre- post-exam thoughts

For 18 hours i've been doing nothing (ok, spent about half the time sleeping and watching tv), chatting on the comp, doing youtube.

Other thing on my mind is Operation Quinceinera (classified). It's always like that during Sem 2.. i end up thinking of so much ideas for the holidays that i completely screw up my studies. And the last paper often bears the brunt of it. Was like this during last year, was just generating ideas for the FOCC camp that i sometimes just can't sleep a wink because ideas keep rushing through my mind, like at 4 a.m., and it isn't about the module that i'm gonna take later at 1 p. m. i have to coax myself to sleep, but can't sleep. tortorous days those were. programs didn't do as well as i expected, don't wanna talk much about it.

Things i'm gonna do during hols
1. Operation Quinceinera
2. Preceptorship
3. Emed BB event
4. David woo's event
5. Course for...

argh why am i writing this now. study. sien. bye.

more stuff from the blog.

call me a voyeur if you wish... i prefer to call myself a bored person who won't touch his pharm prac.

read more of the blog - quite interesting. here's another entry:

http://sharkalodoon.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html

"i found the love of my life ! this year two pharmacy girl (:(: she's so pretty pretty. well, not quite conventionally pretty but i just tnk she looks damn cute. spent most of the free time in btn lectures ogling her ! ahh i want to die. i want to go for pharmaco lectures more often so i can ogle her ! yes, wu zun, STEP ASIDE. but sian, i dont even know whats her name."

omg. wonder who this is, i mean the girl she was looking at...?

if you want me to take this entry down, please notify me.

How i Died For MicroB

it's simple: i didn't study enough - too much on the surface, and ma soul wasn't in sync anyway from day one. sigh.

shucks. really can't click with the subject. keep screwing up the practical, and everything they say in the lecture is so dry, it's just like pharmaco, only thing this is so boring i dunno how to memorize.

Then, the notes are so brief. I think the idea is to go and research on it, or depend on whatever the lecturer said (which a great deal came out during MCQ). Detail again.

Finally, the questions are difficult - mcqs was easy, but people spotted the wrong questions, the people includes me. Didn't expect bacterial spores to come out; had the cannons fully pointed at fungal spores. Forgot about the process of sporogenesis. Also one thing was questions that required on-the-spot thinking. Like "name 5 differences between bacterial and fungal spores." i really hate racking my brain for the answers.

Loved the pour plate question, although my answer was in my opinion not enough. Always the case, "a man of few words, like Raffles", i think my History teacher remarked. Drew the graph wrongly. shit. Wrote rubbish reasons in comparing the RW and KS tests (although i reproduced the diagrams in a tattered fashion).

What else? i just feel that marks keep leaching away from each question. Never felt so sien diao even for pharmaco. Maybe due to the difference in the amount of time used for preparation. May eventually fail the essay questions. Coupled with my poor experimental results, i think that warrants me my first C in NUS. ='(

Oh My God.

somehow the nurses in pharmaco don't seem to be happy getting trashed. neither do they seem happy about year 2 pharmacists trashing them. worse still, making fun out of it.

was peeking around in blogs these days and chanced upon this entry which made me went "omg?!?"

http://sharkalodoon.blogspot.com/2007/03/i-want-to-go-back-to-jc-days-but.html

"so anyway, i almost told a pharmacy student sitting behind me in the LT to fuck off and die cos he was insulting my nursing friends' intelligence during the pharmaco presentation today."

hmm. wonder what if she really told the pharmacy student (who is a he) to fuck off... haha... there aren't many male pharmacy students btw. oops. hopefully it wasn't me.

right after the pharmaco test me, bx and eesang were walking to the hmk busstop to take bus when bx replied, "hmm the year 1s (pharmers) are taking physiology II mcq tomorrow..."

"...oh then those nursing students are so doubly screwed, pharmaco on wed and physiology on thurs..."

silence. then chuckles.

haha i think it's a bad idea to let the nursing students take pharmaco and physio together. super lot to memorize. dunno whether they got gem or not, seems like it's all core, which means i will die la if i'm inside. i'm dying becos of the pharmacy-only semester... shucks.

haha. salute these people man.

if you want me to take this entry down, please notify me.

The Little Pleasures of Life

amidst all the pharmaco and whatever stuff that i'm supposed to be reading now, this is what i use to keep my sanity during reading week - television.

i'm now hooked onto this show called The Homecoming well sypnosis u guys can read here

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Homecoming_(TV_Series).

it seems like for everything now u can wikipedia it, even your friendly neighbourhood estate. try it. there was once i was so boliao i went and wikied "jurong east". you'll be surprised.

anyway, i'm now a regular devotee to this show and i will probably watch it until it runs out, which is a pity cos it runs out on 30th Apr, after microB. like all shows shown on channel 8, it probably ends with a happy ending or something, but not before those people who deserve to die get killed, etc.

another thing to watch is jia you jin shun! on channel U at 7pm. think the lead actress is quite cute, prob nuan agrees with me, as well as the sister (whom is very familiar). otherwise the show is about old folks and family. but good.

so the routine would be to study until 6pm, slack a while, play organ, then watch channel U at 7pm-8pm then go and pia one more chapter, then watch channel 8 from 9pm-10pm, then bathe and sleep. simple.

nothing much to do nowadays. i've a self-imposed ban on the computer by shutting down the comp (usually i leave it on standby cos it takes a gadzillion years to start the antique up), so i don't touch it unless i really have to, like check for drugs. other than that, it's blogging, friendster, youtube, and peeking at other people's blogs. yeah should have wrote "whyqueue was here" on some of them.

keep loading myself with food. guess stress makes you hungry, that's one of cortisol's effects. recently i looked in the mirror and then looked at the Cushing Syndrome notes, i think i'm like the guy in question.

Cushing's Syndrome.

It doesn't take excessive glucocorticoids to achieve this physiology.

Exams will do as well.

Hypertension - worry too much
"Cataracts" - effect of reading from 12am to 6am in the morning
Red moon face - see above
Increased susceptibility to infection.
Increased appetite
Obesity
Euphoria - "zi high"
Depression - after you find that you can't recall
Psychosis - was this fact there? e.g. memorizing adverse effects of drugs.
Emotional liability - =(

Post-pharmaco-period (PPP)

FINALLY! it is over. the Great Pharmaco exam.

for so many days my family have to put up with my extended rapping, "yo beta-1 agonist, beta-1 agonist is dobutamine, beta-2, beta-2 agonist is salbutamol, it can make u breathe better, yo"

i guess pharmaco was devastating. everyone agrees yeah? if not we can go toilet and settle.

for me, i wrote until my wrist muscles were in pain. just kept writing. i think after the second question, i threw my grammar to the winds and wrote like i was re-iterating my notes. keep writing. guess i took 40 min for the first question on asthma cos i seem to remember everything!! OHHH heaven. but then after that question, it was downhill all the way as nuggets of information begin to start disappearing like noradrenaline leaking out of the presynaptic nerve cell due to ephedrine. which is bad.

rushed through the short-answer questions. answers were really short, something like one or two pages if i am crappy. there was no time at all, to recall, to actually find out what the question was asking for. usually it was a compare and contrast, "or what would you recommend" type, i just vomitted everything out in one big emetic gush. just write, even though it might be bullshit, but some things make good bullshit u never know.

i should have never studied PK. cos there was a question on graphs and the moment i saw the graph paper before the exam, i said to myself, oh shit. shouldn't have wasted my time on this.

many of the exam questions were from tutorial. which was out of my expectation since i thought these people "love the challenge", they would think of killer questions to keep our minds going, well so they did, and i ended up doing them cos i didn't read tutorials. The PK tutorial. The organophosphate tutorial. Exactly the same. ARGH.

what can i say, i could have simplified my job further if i had read into their minds a bit more. two hours - what can they possibly set? probably not much detail. the problem with us pharm students is that we read too much in-depth, fearing the repercussions of missing out points from the notes leading to loss in marks. well i guess the questions are simply to test your basic understanding of the subject, to separate the students that are awake in lecture and those who are asleep. of course, detail also leads to the distinguishing of the better students from those average ones.

i am not so. i hope i can just get a B for this subject.. if not a B-. no C+ please. yeah call me decadent if you wish, i'm just being realistic.

Drowning at Pandan canal

hmm, been reading about the incident involving a sec2 girl drowning in the canal. for those who stare at me quizzically, these 4 teenagers were walking along the canal on sunday when they decided to play monkey(?) with their bag, which had their handphones in it. ok, so one missed catch and the bag goes into the canal.

they decide to retrieve it (or risk scolding from their parents) and then venture into the canal, about 2.5m deep. suddenly a downpour arises and huge torrents sweep them away downstream. one of the girls cannot swim and then she panicked and struggled or something, gradually lost contact with the other three, who managed to get to safety. eventually after a 24hr search, she was found, drowned, at the Pandan canal (leading to the sea).

i took 197 back from pharm anal paper yesterday and eventually passed the bridge that linked west coast and jurong together. along the other side was the pandan bridge and the incident jolted back into mind. i guessed as much that after such a long time the chances of survival should be very slim, and i kept looking at the scene until the cycle and carriage building obscured the canal from view.

sometimes, when this sort of freak incident happens, the feeling is well, indescribable. other than the us shooting, which, well happens overseas, this is the other thing in the papers that caught my attention. the wasting of such a young life - she was only 14 years old - left me to question how come simple mistakes such as wading into the canal to retrieve a handphone - would result in a fatality. how treacherous the recent weather has been, with bouts of stormy weather that caused many a torrent and downfall.

it is no doubt that we are complacent - we think we can do it - but never expect fate and nature to deal us such a cruel, unexpected hand. if i were the girl, i would have went in as well in all of perhaps, common sense - after all, what's so difficult about retrieving a bag anyway? but this was because i know how to swim, of course - and being comfortable with water, could have a better chance of survival.

yes - even now i'm complacent, of course. who knows what might actually happen?

Tell me pharmaco pharmaco pharmaco

tell me when will you be mine??

***

slacking.

Studying for pharmaco is like holding Russia's borders. It's so porous, information keeps slipping out. You have to take a helluva time to rush troops from one end to another end, causing the delayed response of a gout question after a cholinergic rush.

went to whack anti-asthma drugs, corticosteroids and nsaids this morning. information is leaking out already.. haiz. having a headache going through prokinetics, there's so much things to memo and it's not going in.

everyone's saying they'll die for pharmaco. this is not a good sign - there's no guarantee that you will come out tops, or bottoms. so just whack and hope for the best... i got a B and a C+ for the last two class tests, which were lousy results as so to speak. sigh. hope the exam can pull me back to at least a B-...

of course, the ante is upped this time round, with an all-essay format (which i absolutely suck at), and without knowledge of what's going to come out (MoA? SE? DI? Clinical uses? Small details?). how is the question gonna be like? "name n types of cholinergic drugs?" "state n treatments for asthma?" etc. i dunno. whack everything, and hopefully you score on the correct points.

sigh. i need some paracetamol. with caffeine, please.

***

well at least the pharm analysis was ok. i think. so far so good. heard many ppl complain about the calculations. so far, i think i'm correct, without anyone to prove me wrong yet. hmm. hopefully can get A-, its the only A- that i probably can get for this sem. so far, other than pharm analysis, i've never gotten A- before for pharm subjects.

still stoning. wonder how nuan is now... after tomorrow, she'll be relatively more free with two major papers gone. i still have to trudge through microB, whom i assume everyone will be more or less adequately prepared.

well, at least can go home together with her tomorrow.

back to work. gotta do a drug count after the test, to find out exactly how many drugs we are exposed to in pharmaco (i'm sure is >100), then go and scare the juniors. haha, evil.

the revenge of the anticholinergic agents

Anti-AChEs
edrophonium
neostigmine
physostigmine
pyridostigmine
parathion
eciothiophate

AChE "unblocker"
pralidoxime

NMJ blockers - non-depolarizing
D-tubocurarine
Atracurium
Pancurorium
Rocurorium
Vecurorium

NMJ blockers - depolarizing
suxamethonium

Histamines
1st gen: promethazine, chlorpheniramine, diphenhydramine, dimenhydrinate, etc
2nd gen: cetrizine, loparamide, fenfoxidine (?)

nsaids
aspirin
naproxen
diclofenac
ibuprofen
celecoxib, roxicoxib (is this thing supposed to be in russian, or spelt backwards?)
paracetamol
terfenadine - torsades de pointes.

argh. stop.

Ranting Time
(reminds me of ranitidine. whatever.)

yeah, i know i shouldn't be writing this now. pretty sick of studying. just memorizing and re-memorizing the notes for the nth time already. well maybe for the second or third time only.. but there's so much!!!

imagine: u have to remember

antacids: hydroxides, carbonates, bicarbonates, trisillicates, Mg, Al, Ca
H2 antagonists: cimetidine, ranitidine, famotidine
PPIs: omeprazole, S-omeprazole, thiophillic sulfa something in acidic canaliculi.
sulfralcate.
bismuth compounds.
misoprostol. causes abortion. PGE1 analogue
adsorbants: activated charcoal, kaolin, pectin, smectite
opioids: loperamide, diphenoxylate.
antispasmodics: hyoscine, meveberine.
SS-analogues: octreotide.
5HT3 antags: alosetron.
bulk laxatives: ispaghula husk, psyllium.
osmotic laxatives: magnesium hydroxide, PEG, cellulose, lactulose
stimulants: bisacodyl, senna. will cause discolouration of the colon (something coli)
emollients (surfactants): docusate, glycerin
lubricants: liquid paraffin (my favourite, causes lipoid pneumonia and leaks out of your ass)
partial 5HT4 agonists: tegaserod.
antihistamines: diphenhydramine, promethazine. cyclizine
antiH1, antiD2: prochlorperazine
antiD2, 5HT4: metoclopramide and domperidone
5HT4: cisapride
5HT3 antag: ondansetron
erythromycin
NK1 antagonist
benzodiazepines
corticosteroids
cholinergics
cannabinoids

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. and that's only for GI drugs... there's more

cholinergics:
muscarine
nicotine
bethanechol
carbachol
methacholine

anti-cholinergics:
hyoscine / scopolamine
atropine
ipratropium
cyclopropamine
(forgot)
pirenzipine

anti-AChEs
(?)



mind's a blank now...


?????

les miserables

taking a break from pharm anal now.

hmm went to tabulate what's left of my glorious 3-month break and i find...

i have 53 days to enjoy before preceptorship starts.
out of the 53, i have 21 days with nuan and 2 weekends only!!! wth... that's not even half la.

!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@!


i have 40+ days of preceptorship (ok, minusing the weekends, it's about 30 days = 6 weeks)

NOW, don't burn any more of my weekends ok. this is worser shit than army, i swear.

STRESS.

Haiz... it's Reading Week... the most stressed time of the sem for me...

Woke up AGAIN at 3:30 am to piss. It's been 4 nights now, since Saturday, Sunday, Monday and today. Ever since i and nuan had our "last outing together before we really sit down and study". I think it must have been the stress.

Wasn't even this stressed to start with in sem 2 or sem 3, for one.

Subjective evidence:
GI: burping, feel "full of gas", "full".
has seen dramatic reduction in BM (details, i will save for the doc)
CNS: insomnia, 4/7 - usually wakes up nocturnally around 3-4am to pass motion, then finds that he cannot go back to sleep.
has been eating at whim.
CV: experienced sensation of "heart beating very fast" when watching "action movies" 3/7 ago.
Glands: dry mouth ---> drinks more water --> urges goes to toilet more often.

Hmm. dunno whether to visit doctor or not. i think he will just say the same thing (although i would welcome the physical checkup). and give me drugs like Activated Charcoal for constipation (i wanna try docusate or Fybogel). Ask me to drink more water, eat more fruits, exercise more and relax a bit (yeah, right).

One interesting cure for insomnia is the L-amino acid tryptophan (Trp). yeah.

Trp can be converted to serotonin (neurotransmitter) in the following fashion:

Trp --> 5-OH Trp --> 5HT (serotonin)

And this is from wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tryptophan#Physiology

Tryptophan and turkey

According to popular belief, eating tryptophan in turkey meat causes drowsiness. Turkey does contain tryptophan, which does have a documented sleep-inducing effect as it is readily converted into serotonin by the body. However, ingestion of turkey alone has not been proven to have this effect. An additional hypothetical mechanism is as follows: A large quantity of any food,^{[original research?]} such as a Thanksgiving feast, introduces large quantities of both carbohydrates and branched-chain amino acids releasing insulin. Insulin stimulates the uptake of large neutral branched-chain amino acids (and not tryptophan) by muscle cells through the myocyte membranes. The result is an increase in the ratio of tryptophan to large neutral amino acids in the blood. This reduces competition with other amino acids for the Large Neutral Amino Acid Transporter protein for uptake of tryptophan across the blood-brain barrier into the central nervous system. Once inside the central nervous system, tryptophan is converted into serotonin by the raphe nuclei, and serotonin is further metabolised into melatonin by the pineal gland.

Alcoholic beverage consumption at holiday feasts is likely to compound the effect.^{[original research?]}

On average, a full grown male must consume some 45 pounds of turkey to have any narcoleptic effect.^{[citation needed]}

Hmm. well according to the doc Trp is found in milk powder, which explains why babies sleep after they finish their milk. So it ain't true.

Sigh.. the only way to stop the constipation and the insomnia, as taught by David Woo, is regularity. Water, fibre and exercise helps too (so there's practically nothing u can do about it).

SIgh.

Insomnia part 2...

I really need HCTZ.

Hmm slacked the whole day away on sunday. did what i could for microB, then wanted to study pharmaco. In fact, sunday should study pharmaco already since i so suck at it.
but spent the evening and night watching The Last Samurai and New Police Story which, took 4 1/2 hours. i just didn't feel like starting pharmaco. and i was getting restless.

Guess i'm tired. or really stressed out. really felt lethargic during the night. somehow for some reason... my skin temperature climbed such that even though i was wearing singlet and shorts i still felt very hot. then suddenly i went into this tachycardia or something, it was like i could just feel my heart beating very fast.

well, given that i wanted to prevent myself falling asleep (that's why i watched the shows!) from 7pm to 10pm where i would rejoin the "normal" circadian rhythm and tell my body hey, this is the correct time to sleep instead, i was feeling damn sleepy during the shows. sedative medication didn't help much either.

but good! i made it to 10:30 after New Police Story and went to bathe. fell asleep shortly after. but woke up at 2am and 4am, first to go toilet, and second time for good, which explains this entry at 5am.

oh well.. time to start on pharmaco now =)

picture from imdb.com.

PREPARE FOR GLORY!!!

i think, this post should read "PREPARE TO DIE!!!"

ok for all those who watched the shortest-titled film in singapore, (ok, well, there's 15...) u guys know about some Spartan fellas who wanted to block the invading persian army or whatever into sparta by meeting them at this valley or something, something like a Coulter-Counter apparatus.

problem was, the spartans only had 300 soldiers, (didn't look like they had much armor), advantage of terrain, bravery, and nothing much else versus a mass of like 100000 turkish forces. yup, 10^2.47 vs 10^5, well.. difference of 2.53, slight consolation.

(i didnt watch the movie as it was plotless... might as well play some computer game.)

and SO, i find myself in the similar situation like those 300 poor Spartan bastards ok, martyrs (which is a bad word to use nowadays) patriots. i think only something like God mode could have saved them, or endless bursts of Starfall. but anyway.

exam is coming!!! and i'm starting to get panicky. AGAIN. everytime like that one. study so much, in the end still screw up. FOUR sems liao, still dunno what the hell is wrong. ok FINE, i didn't put consistent effort in studying all the sem, i was like going to lectures and copying, diligently, nodding my head away in unison to the rest, then once coffee break or lecture ends everything is left back at the LT. damn.

ok, not everything.. i think i absorbed still much more than last sem. still, that doesn't explain why i got a C+ for my pharmaco. !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@! and why people are getting As all the way. yar.. can't compare, can't complain much either.

then one of the mates brought the issue of stupidity which set me thinking - am i stupid? maybe so, maybe after the operation. without dragging into genetic issues, i've been trumping everyone in pri, sec and JC like wow-bang. but now.. seems like i've met my Waterloo (no, not the toilet) and there are indeed higher beings, more exalted, more blessed with a higher intelligence.

hmm. i dun blame them giving me the B's and C's. guess it's a give and take situation. i'm glad i made it here after all, considering my operation and stuff. eventually, well grades matter when you step out of Uni, but for the majority, i guess all it determines is where you go and how high your pay is.

i feel OLD. haha... 22 years old liao. i look at my 5yo pic and wonder if, by some odd time-travel continnum, could that 5yo boy have ever realised that someone was looking at him, and that he would end up in such a state where he has to mug like crazy?

(refer above) what is glory, when you have die in the end?

***

tried to study with nuan again today. i slept, she studied.
conculsion: try again.

Back to business

Hmm.. here i am again... i guess there are only two situations where i will blog:

(1) where i am suffering from insomnia
(2) where it is exams and i need to rant
(3) where there is something i absolutely need to bitch about by holding "shift" and dragging my right index finger from 1 to 10 and back to 1.

(result: !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@!)

ok, three situations.

Hmm... so i AM suffering from insomnia and it's exams period. So i need to blog cos mostly, i can't sleep and it's like 4am in the morning and it sucks cos part of you (esp the eyes) wants to close, but part of you (somewhere in the brain) is still jumping around like a mad bugger pissin' all the other organs who wanna go and sleep for goodness' sake.

haven't suffered much from insomnia this sem, which is good.

anyway. exams and beyond.
23th Apr - Pharm Analysis
25th Apr - Pharmacology I - *DIEDED*
27th Apr - Pharm Microbiology
2nd May - Pharmacy Prac II, Metabolism and Regulation
5-6 May - YEP leader course.
7th May - 103 Drugs Test.
16th May - bhbh3 leaving for phil.
3-5 Jun - bhbh3 coming back.
9th Jun - BB@NCC (1st session)
17-24 Jun - recce trip to india.
25 Jun-End of hols - Preceptorship@ Mt Elizabeth.
30 Jun - BB@NCC (2nd session) - not required to attend.

Along the way:
Jul-Aug - Rag dance: the big elephant is back again.
May help the juniors out with FOCC, if they allow me to. haha. pity i wun be able to participiate directly in it (although i admit, i screwed up bad and they'd prob do 10x better than me)

What else i wanna do:
complete GTA San Andreas (by overstaying at wang's place) and catch up with the old guys

What i wanna do now:
sleep 3h.

What i wanna do to this blog:
remove all the !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@! songs and install the Constance's Ipod - The Ipod I Found On Her Blog.
remove all the old junk.
add new junk.

cons, so now i blogged. haha
amazed at how many people still read my blog. amazingly all the hyperlinks work. saw a hyperlink on a blog that i would, in my imagination, never have dreamt of the owner, who is a distant friend, place it on her blog.

hmm... i like this quote.. came from a recent convert of bridge.. haha..
when you trump an Ace with a di (two)
We were talking about how certain people (like me) always keep on getting lower grades, such that certain people (unlike me) gets higher grades, i hope you know what i mean and i trust that you will view this statement as being absolutely politically correct.
So, in this case, it is viewed as a case of the latter group "trumping" the former... as with all things Singaporean, even terms in a game can be used henceforth.
So when the most powerful card in a suit is being trumped by the least powerful trump card, it goes to show that certain areas of study can be exploited such that it is still possible for the former group to have an advantage over the latter group, just for a short while. The short taste of victory, like that word - bittersweet. Saccharine.

Haha i'm talking rubbish now.

A fella i knew once said, everyone is trying so hard, this is by the likes of Darwinism. I suggested hence, why not all of us just take a step back together and relax? then we can all get our desired grades and yet not try so hard.

Still not sleepy. argh

Remember!

I forgot to put the "@hotmail.com" at the back of my username and this is what i got from blogger:

Remember:
You will sign in to New Blogger with your Google Account email address, whyqueue@hotmail.com, from now on.

hmm... big brother?

School Smart You're more of a 'school smarts' kind of person. You are best with the theoretical things, and your intelligence is both natural and learned - a blend of personal, experiential knowledge and book learnin'. 40% theoretical intelligence 40% learned intelligence

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