The click five - Jenny

Heard this song at work today over 98.7fm. Nice synth pop sound =)

***

She calls me baby, then she won't call me.
Says she adores me and then ignores me.
Jenny, what's the problem?
She keeps her distance and sits on fences.
Puts up resistance and builds defenses.

Jenny, what's the problem?
You leave me hanging on the line.
Every time you change your mind.

First You say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
I"m standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny, it's killing me.

She needs her own space. She's playing mind games.
Ends up at my place saying that she's changed.
Jenny, what's the problem?
I'm trying to read between the lines.
You got me going out of my mind.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
I'm standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny, it's killing me. It's killing me. It's killing me.
Jenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and I'm not moving on.
I'm standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
I'm standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny. It's killing me. It's killing me. Jenny.

Linkin Park - Numb

thought this was a love song.... only recently that i realised that it can be applied in other ways...

***

i'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i don't know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

*i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding too tightly
afraid to lose control
cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart right in front of you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
and every second i waste is more than i can take

Repeat Chorus

and i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone disappointed in you

Repeat Chorus

Prece*torship - Day 15

ok, for the other side of the coin...

hell didn't have much fury today. maybe cos the whole day i was trying to avoid her, but haha...

some heartfelt thanks:

1) M, one of the pre-regs, bought me nasi lemak today for breakfast. but i came in at 11am with breakfast eaten! so i had to leave it hanging around... no time to eat it during breathers anyway. and by the time work ended... it was already too late.

i guess i was pretty downcast yesterday... some r/s probs... and that dragged into the work on tuesday. Not sad, but not very happy either. Haha... no, not cos of S.

Must get her something once i get the chance.

2) finally found out why R, the PT, always offered so much stuff to me to eat during work time - cookies, munch bars, biscuits, etc. I always thought that it was because of our good working relations, but it seems like her sons are about the same age as me... so thats why i get the preferential treatment.. entian i hope u are not getting jealous.. haha.

3) dined with M (a different M from (1)), and was very impressed by her career plans. gave me some inspiration to where my career should (or ought to) lie. for so long i've been so clueless to which path i should take as a pharmacist. obviously not retail, for life. nor hospital. maybe industry.

4) got tested by S today at the analgesics. i think i did a lousy job, partly cos we were stammering, partly cos i didn't memo the day before. ended up with lots of homework to do, which i'm supposed to do but i ended up blogging instead.

5) sudden change of heart! had a premonition that someone will be scolded for the huge mess in the excess P-medicines cupboard, after the huge influx of stuff coming in two days ago. And -

if S saw it, i reckoned:

i had a 50% chance of being called up ad re-stocking the medicines,
and if i were called up, i had a 100% chance of getting scolded.

...that was before entian left. After she left, the chance of being called up rose to 100%. you can figure why. So i wasn't too affected when S started to berate me again.. it stings, but more used to it. well she 's pissed, so let her let off steam then... But then M (the one in (1)) suddenly said that it was actually everyone who was responsible and that i always get the blame... then i think she felt bad about it and actually lowered her tone after i had done the task, even sending me a "well-done" sms after i went home.

I guess, people do have the other side of the coin.

(6) nice evening with the missus... (classified)

ah... a good day.

Prece*torship - Day 14

Having tahaned at my workplace for two weeks, Week 3 happens to be more relaxed. At least, for Monday and Tuesday.

Firstly, S went on medical leave on monday. No more scoldings. Maybe like what she said, other people could have scolded me for screwing up but they didn't, so i can't learn anything - but she will.

I dunno whether her going on medical leave is good or bad, or it is just temporary relief. Hell hath its fury tomorrow when she comes back to work.

Let's introduce some of the working staff there. I guess everyone's there's quite nice.

Firstly there's Entian, my other counterpart (student) at the place. Our working hours are staggered, and we have different lunch breaks. Hence, unlike what i thought, we don't communicate very much. And there's not much chance to communicate either - the place is so busy.

There are two pre-regs there. Nice people that you can depend on, especially when it comes to brand-generic problems. In addition, there's also one pharmacy technician (PT) who always treats me to food... as well as collect the product inserts inside the packaging - in exchange, i do most of the computer work for her.

the various pharmacy assistants (PA) and product promoters are very nice too. they are the experts when it comes to locating items outside the pharmacy - some of them can even tell you the availability of a product to the exact size (small, medium, large) that is stocked to the country of manufacture.

oh and one of the PAs calls me her darling! *faints*

furthermore in addition to the people i've seen, there are the various locums and "replacements" that i've seen - pharmacists from paragon, west mall, taka, and so far, 3 locums. some of them do talk to you - and do remember your name. it's actually quite nice working with them.

and of course, there's our (entian and me) prece*tors.

Work - it's tiring. i may work one of the lesser hours-per-day (7 hours) compared to others, but these hours are hell. imagine a situation where p-form after p-form keeps coming in and you have a whole avalanche of customers waiting outside, some impatiently. also, there's the other extreme - like these two days - it was so quiet that we could finally have lunch, go toilet, stack up some drugs, have a small chat, learn some stuff or finally do the things that we wanna do.

I would say... the work here is bearable. Though i'm probably not going to learn much, or any of the minor ailments stuff. But i guess i will get a good headstart on the POM medications and (hopefully) my speed in keying Rx will be faster. You win some, you lose some.

Tomorrow - will hell hath its fury? Stay tuned...

Prece*torship - Day 9

(backdated entry)

got super-screwed by my prece*tor today. sigh. ok i have to admit, it wasn't the most alert of days either.

highlights of the day were that i had to call a doc in the same building to verify some stuff... and being the first time to call a doc (and we all have nice experiences of "calling docs" in school...) i actually forgot to take a notepad and pen to the phone. and then the doc just rambled on some complex instruction which my brain forgot to capture. no choice - had to call doc again, and i guess she was quite irritated.

then got scolding from preceptor (S) cos of my illegible, "ugly" scribble on the P-form.

S was abit on the warpath today, i suddenly find out that i get scolded for alot of stuff that i was not responsible for - proper stacking of drugs, rehab counter, p-drug counter, etc. then a bit more screwups and more scoldings, and suddenly i thought - just let them scold, it's just an ave for them to flare up, why bother to feel hurt?

why bother to even do well then? when you are going to get scolded all the same?

suddenly my voice became from loud... to soft... to a voice sapped of energy. and pride.

a partial order that she told me over the disp counter was not conveyed to the dispensers inside and that resulted in the loss of 10-20 labels. the people inside had happily packed all the medication, which could have resulted in big sales, but the customer had only wanted one of the six items.

as a result - we had to tear off the labels for the drugs that the customer didn't ask for. all because i didn't say that it was a partial order. ok... lesson learnt.

coup de grace came about 1 hour before dismissal, where i was typing stuff at the front counter and she was counselling a patient about a medication. being engrossed in the keying in of data, i didn't notice that she had finished, and the patient was supposed to pay.

the patient came to me, thinking that this was the counter for paying. since the drug could well be POM, i thought, i better check carefully in case something goes wrong. and by this time i was truly tired. i just asked to check whether the drug was POM.

then S just suddenly flared up and... the details of the conversation would not be posted here. but it really hurt, and i wonder why sometimes it was done. I believe that no one is born stupid or slow, and even if anyone is, it is cruel to pinpoint that disability of his.

I cast a face from that moment, all the way until i reached home, had my dinner, and went to sleep. True, this may be part and parcel of work life. And too bad it is coming from the boss. And maybe the boss happens just to be in a foul mood. And maybe i just happened to screw up at that critical point in time.

And maybe this is a effective, although crude, way to learn. And learn fast. I guess after a good sleep, and vowing never to repeat the same darn mistakes again, thursday and friday proceeded more smoothly. Maybe S also knew that she had overdone it, or maybe there wasn't anything for her to pick on.

And i have already done 2 out of 6 weeks. 4 more to go.