omg whats happening to me

sunday. skipped the outing to sentosa organsied by xt. no mood.

instead, woke up at 10am, went on aimlessly on the www for about 3-4 hours. slept at 2pm.

woke up at 6pm.

feel so dead. energyless.

ikram just smsed me something to be done on the eml forum. i feel like quitting again. feel like quitting again. i really don't click with those people. omg they're scary. why must they ask me to do work when i don't want this exco post? how much more long can i tolerate this?

what kind of a life do i want to lead? i dunno. how much to balance? at this point of time. i dunno

what work is to be done tomorrow? dunno. yijiang asked me to bring his stuff for the meeting tmr. what meeting. oh pr2101. damn haven't printed out yet. when? dunno.

i feel like stopping here in time, or watch the world go round, at a time when other people are frantically doing something with spirit, i am one with a lost soul.

***

why am i in stuch a state? cos of yesterday? well i lost to a more worthy opponent, fine. i got played out, fine... leadership? i can forgo that, well.. why be so foolish to brave more fire and wind when you can't even take care of your work, family, relationships, and happiness? why be so garang?

i dunno. could it be because of the "time bomb" that has accumulated before then and has now, triggered by the event, began to implode within me? or is it because of the lack of adrenaline due to the fact that tons of the stuff were used in the previous fireworks?