killing myself

tml's another session of eml. i don't really wanna go...

i'd really like a long break somehow.. i feel so tired; but i have so much time. alone. nothing to do but to sleep and watch youtube.

there's this website which i've been amusing myself with, it promises games which i used to be hooked on during primary school days:

www.crazymonkeygames.com

back to the situation in ps.. enrolled for shannon's welfare soc. ok, i guess. 2h a week performing guard duty in ps room being the bartender. not a bad deal. prob can wreck some havoc along the way.

thinking of joining MORE. yes i'm killing myself. like mrt (as small fry, sounds "interesting"), soc. ed (small fry, can organise outings openly, under jenxi some more), ppac (small fry, under xinyi and pharmacy camp). well i guess being a small fry doesn't entail me to much responsibility, and it opens up my view of nusps as well.

then kiki came with the offer of pub head for emed. well snapped it up immediately. maybe without thinking, maybe i did. maybe bcos the Force within me is still strong. yea that's a politically correct answer. Think whatever you want. well i've never done pub before, lets see how i screw up badly, like how i screwed up for prog head in FOCC and log head in bhbh2. haha. then let me join some other comm as mkt head and i can claim experience in all the four fields. lol.

then there's this offer of tuition. not confirmed yet. but most probably no. i'm already starting to think that the lectures for pharm law are in-studyable. and the econs lecturer is beginning to suck.

well some friend of mine said that my leadership skills in focc really sucked, which i agreed. guess a leader shouldn't be too soft. said also that there are no born leaders, only:
1) people chosen by God to be leaders
2) people who are not chosen by God to be leaders, but somehow they observe and learn from (1) and they become leaders
3) people who are not chosen by God to be leaders, they observe, they try to learn, but in the end they cannot make it. --> me, maybe?
4) people who don't wanna be leaders, they just slack off

then there was the notion proposed by another friend that... so long as you are satisfied with your work, there is no need to bother about whether anyone else is satisfied.. but then i challenged, if the work is done for that someone else, won't the judgement of the quality of work depend on that someone else?

e.g. picasso gives one of his works of "abstractism" that no rational person in the world understands, not even the "pseudo-admirers". the big question: is he happy at the end of the day, although no one wants to buy from him, yet he thinks he has created this magnificent piece?

confused, am i.