Insomnia... again.

Can't get to sleep again.

After all this long while... i finally rebounded back to insomnia. Do i need a benzodiazepine??

The same complaints again: feeling sleepy, but somewhere in my mind i'm awake, not very alert though. When i close my eyes i don't enter deep sleep.

Instead, i think of all the things that happen to me during the day. and these things drift from missing 8am pharmaco lecture, screwing up 11am dfd2 presentation, missing 2pm patho lecture as a result of my insomnia.

When i try to relax, i think back of the horrible quarrel that i had about 12 hours ago, and all the things come back to me again. The anger felt, which led to an increase in adrenaline. What i should have done. What i should not have done. What if it turned out this way, what if it turned out the other way. One thousand possibilities, all playing out in my mind, like a non-stop cassette tape recording.

Then i drift off to other things like YEP, homework, how screwed i am for friday's test cos i'm going to spend most of thursday sleeping, and how to get my ass out of this mess. Each branches out to a thousand more different stories.

As a result, i never felt the decrease in sympathetic activity. Heart keeps beating like crazy, i can feel it bumping along the chest wall as i inhale. Wonder if i have cardiac myohypertrophy. Wonder i should take an ECG or something. Took some propanolol. Wonder if there'll be a drug interaction, or am i too sedated enough. Thinking of taking some cough mixture, scared of lapsing into a coma.

And to top it all off, i can't talk to any of my friends now, nor tomorrow, cos most of them are probably studying for test. And i can't talk to my girlfriend, and i don't talk to my parents.

Now the time is 4:27 AM. In half an hour's later, it will be 5AM, and the first train from the depot will rumble into Jurong East MRT station, bringing with it the hustle and bustle of the new day. And i will be worried, whether to carry on the new day without sleep, or to go home and rest halfway. Or to totally not come to school.

I really need a break. Someone just be merciful and put me to sleep.