8 types of guys that you should avoid
(from funkygrad.com)

1. Mr Dollar Bill Arsonist
A regular at upmarket waterholes like Winebar and Qbar, he may be young, but he's loaded and disillusioned with the value of money. Used to lighting cigarettes with lit up dollar bills and with a wallet full of titanium credit cards, he's thinks money can buy you everything.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Oh no....I'm really worried about my grades...
He: How much do you want?
Girlfriend: Do you think God exists?
He: Seriously, how much do you want?

Verdict: He does not take you seriously and assumes all relationships are developed on the basis of a monetary transaction. His so-called man-buddies are probably hangout out with him because he's loaded. When push comes to shove, you'll never know if he'll be around. However, unless you're a gold-digger whose sole life purpose can be fulfilled with material satisfaction, you go Girl!

2. Mr I-Need-You-24/7
Easily noticeable, he exudes a minion-like behaviour around girlfriends. Recall the guy who calls his girlfriend 5 times in an hour (that's basically once every 10mins), he has developed an arched-back from carrying too many shopping bags, and is seemingly lacking his own social circle.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Why do you keep calling me! I'm doing my project!
He: Where are you? Why can't you tell me? Why can't I be there with you?
Girlfriend: Don't disturb me, I'm having menstrual cramps
He: I wanna be with you 24/7. You need tampons? I can run out to 7-11 and be back in 2 minutes.

Verdict: Well, if you're willing to tolerate a second 'shadow' in the form of the male species, and enjoy having a quasi-Nazi track your every move in exchange for a self-devoted serf, I salute you.

3. Mr Work Drone
Every girl wants a man with ambition and the drive to succeed. But the line is oh-so-easily crossed. Especially when he disappears for 6 months, only to say 'sorry baby, I was busy with work'. You were worried sick for weeks because you could not contact him while he voluntarily withdraws into uninformed isolation.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Honey, have you eaten yet? Shall we go for dinner?
He: Nah...I don't have time. One minute spent on trivialities equals the opportunity cost of $10,000.
Girlfriend: Honey, my Dad got into an accident and may not live to see tomorrow. He really wants to see you.
He: Baby, you know that means I have to work harder to support your extended family. I need to work extra hard to strategise how to take over the position of CEO in a month's time. And after that, the world.

Verdict: Yes he is driven; he's probably working for a better future for the both of you. However, a good relationship requires equal input from 2 well-balanced people. If he's such an Ace at work, juggling a work-life balance shouldn't be a problem. This behaviour is reflective of intrinsic characteristics. If you're hoping to change him, FORGET IT. Career will always be number one for him.
*another point to note, be wary of guys who continually harp on 'opportunity costs', it's absurdly cold-blooded to quantify human relations.

4. Mr Smooth Operator
He's absolutely fantastic at 'the game', a wonderkid in PR and can effortlessly make a girl go weak in the knees with a spontaneous haiku on genital warts. Some say he's 'smooth', others say he's 'the player'. You probably never have the chance to have a decent conversation with him since he spens 90% of the time serenading you with his glib tongue.

You may find this familiar:
He: Excuse me, could I borrow your mobile phone? It's an emergency. My mum told me to give her a call the first time I fell in love.
She: I... (He interrupts)
He: Shh...If I could arrange the alphabets, I'd put U and I together
She: But... (He interrupts again)
(It goes on endlessly)

Verdict: If he can 'smooth' his way into your heart (one with which you thought was already cold, hard and indifferent), it'll be no surprise if women have been welcoming him with legs wide open. It's one thing to whisper sweet nothings to you, but it's another if he doesn't put a lid on that exuding charm around others. If he gives everyone the 'special treatment', he's probably just not that into you (pardon the pun). It's not a female jealousy gene embedded in chromosome X. You don't want to suffer an anxiety attack one day when his 3 other girlfriends call you up - just when you think you're his only one.

5. Mr 'Frags-a-lot'
Hidden in the extreme corners of dimly-lit LAN gaming shops, he spends all his money on comic books and LAN sessions, and mutters barely 10 words a day. If he does talk, the keywords in the conversation would more oft contain 'LAN', 'frags' and 'DOTA'.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Dearie, shall we catch a movie later?
He: (nods head) (but disappears from scene unnoticed) (to be found at nearest LAN shop)Girlfriend: I'm going to frag your mother
He: (stares angrily at girlfriend for 10 seconds) (proceeds to disappear from scene unnoticed) (to be found at nearest LAN shop)

Verdict: Firstly, gamers rarely have the time, interest or social skills to land themselves a girlfriend. If they do, their girlfriends are either she-gamers or she-males (he probably lost the ability to discern). Just like other passions that become ill habits when one becomes demonically obsessed, he probably does not know your purpose in his life right now. You're better off buying a mannequin, naming him Tom and telling your friends about your new squeeze - Tom, from Mauritius, 1.8m tall, sculpted jaw line with super 6-packed abs.

6. Mr "Knows-too-damn-much-for-his-own-good'
I'm not advocating discrimination against the hyper-intelligents. If you're really THAT smart, your achievements will be outstanding, why bother bragging? Worse still, he's the kind that revels in being condescending to one and all with his razor sharp wit and ruthless sarcasm.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: I really want to get a marketing position in the cosmetics industry
He: I agree, I think you'll make a great makeup counter girl

Verdict: No one should allow themselves to be surrounded by negativity; it will only stifle individual ambitions. You're too important to let someone else squash your own dreams. Check with the family, we bet you his mum hates him too. A maniac that feeds off other people's insecurity to boost his own ego should be locked away in Wacko Jacko's basement, with handcuffs, chained to the drainpipes - for good.

7. Mr 'I'm-too-sexy-for-this-shirt'
A common fixture near most public reflective surfaces, the 'Male Model' is easy to distinguish. Usually more well-dressed than you, he checks himself out in reflective surfaces, touches his hair, and talks more crap than you do (even when you're the undisputed reigning Queen Airhead in your social circle).

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: I think we might be late for the movie.
He: Movie? We're watching a movie? I don't want to crease my new Armani shirt
Girlfriend: Do you think I look fat?
He: Yea you do. Don't walk too near me, I don't want my casting agents to spot me hanging out with 'Miss Gargantuan Cow' in public.

Verdict: If you want a gay best friend, you'd be hanging out at Tanjong Pagar, not dating a wannabe drag queen or pea-brained pretty face. There can only be one vain-pot in a relationship, and society has rendered it perfectly fine for females to claim that right. What's actually more important is that he respects you and does not put you down.

8. The Cheap Date
The perennial peeve whom most girls chanced upon at least once in their lifetime. He isn't short on cash, he just doesn't think you're worth spending money on - he even annoys you into paying for everything, and you do it just so he could shut up.

You may find this familiar:
Girlfriend: Do you think I should order the baked salmon?
He: sure, as long as you pay for it yourself
Girlfriend: So where are we heading to on our anniversary?
He: The nearby Kopitiam serves good enough meepok to satisfy the both of us. I didn't bring my wallet, I hope you did.

Verdict:If you have no qualms about putting up with this kind of behaviour, let me suggest a splendid alternative: gigolos. They're not as blatant about money, and at least, they treat you with respect and will do as you please.

Labels: guys